Live Your Life To Its Fullest

Being the youngest patient in the hospital, I was given a lot of attentions from my neighbor patients, who were in their last stage of lives. One kind lady, who was well-educated from her tone, asked me kindly,

‘Hi girl, you look very young. Why are you here?’

I said, ‘Hi auntie, maybe (I am young), I have some blood in my urine and high fever.’

She said, ‘Oh really? How old are you?’

I replied, ’24.’

‘You are indeed very young. Hope you feel better now. You know, you are still young, can still fight with diseases. A friend of mine were having the same problem as you but she just passed away. People at our age are old already, not able to fight with diseases.’

I was very shocked because I didn’t know my problem could result in death. I told her quickly, ‘I am very sorry to hear that. But my case should be fine. The doctor said I will be discharged in 2 days. How about you?’

‘2 days? That’s pretty good. For me, haha, if I am discharged here, I will be moving to another hospital. I am a hospital resident now. I am old…’ She turned her head to the window side and looked into the sky as if trying to catch something. What things? Youth, time, memory, etc.

My friends kept asking me, ‘What if you only have 1 week time left?’ or ‘What if doctor say you only have half a year life?’ I knew he was joking, but still, I considered these questions when there were no visitors. In front of death, complains about daily life, arguments in office, disagreements in opinions, materials, etc, just disappeared by themselves. When these distractions were gone, the real important things in life started appearing. People, those I love and those love me, for example, parents, appeared. Places I dream of visiting, for example, New Zealand, appeared. Life events that I will miss, for example, marriage, appeared.

My funny friend continued asking, ‘Do you feel regretful if you will die soon?’ Haha, such a great question. Yes, my tear came down. I felt regretful when I realized I actually spent 80% of my life on these distracting, non-important, and no-value things. While for these really important things, I only gave very little of my time. How could I not be regretful? This was the first time I was so close to death, and I was not yet sure about whether I would be safe or not. When I went to the clinic, I was thinking it was just small case. There was no chance I would be sent to A&E. However, negative path was chosen. In A&E, my friend and I were hoping after the drip we could go back, I would not be admitted. Again, negative path was chosen. On the first day, I was thinking, maybe tomorrow I could go home. However, I was asked to stay another 2 days.

Below were the hospital food. Looked nice but no taste. It is the same as hospital. Looked convenient and friendly but no life.